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“I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.” This is place where I usually write things like stories, or just feelings...
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Stephanie? She Is Just A Girl That Has Gone Through A Lot In The Past Years...Yet She Discovered That There's A Thing Call Life. Now She's Just Stephanie. She's Not Perfect. She Is Just A Normal Person Trying To Learn Like Everybody Else. Is Rare If You See Her Cry, Or Doing Her Homework :P(Trust Me) She's Sometimes Very Shy. She's Sometimes Random. She's Sometimes Sad. She's Sometimes Hyper.... But She's Always Herself. She's Always Looking For New Experiences And Challenges. She's Not Afraid To Make New Friends Every Were She Goes And She's Always Available When Someone Needs Her. Maybe She’s Not Funny, Or The Most Incredible Person You've Known. But "She Always Follows Her Heart." …And That’s What Makes Her Steph. ……For More Info...Talk To Her...:) Love Ya ...........Herself........ ..☮↑By.Mεεε!!!↑☮..:D
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I needed and wanted to come back home. Not because I don't like my apartment, or because I miss my house. As a matter fact, I don't miss anything in this place. I don't remember growing up in it; my life has always been consumed by all types of activities.

I needed to stay away from temptation and focus. The ride back home made me realized that I'm weak and need distance and a sense of authority to get shit done. I always felt that I could do things on my own. I never felt so dependent and attached to something. It's a little stronger than a responsibility. As the days go by I feel like I'm starting to owe.

The ride made me realize more than just my lack of determination and immaturity. Every time I speak, act or express myself I feel like a child. I feel vulnerable... like I need approval; like if I needed to ask for permission. But I also feel free and protected like I did when I was five. Sometimes, I even feel spoiled. I feel less responsible for my acts... like if there's someone there to hold me in case I fall. 

The ride, this ride. It kept me awake but sleepy. It kept me daydreaming but focused. I was concerned but not stressed. I was happy and down. It felt fast but not slow enough even although I needed to get home. 

Need is a funny word. Home is no food or roof; there is no real need. All I know is that I couldn't do it on my own... I'm not strong enough. I tried lying to my body a couple of times but it's been acting on its own...

Dear____,

 I was really close to writing your name, but I've decided to keep you anonymous. At the end of the day you would probably never read this blog (you never did). I hesitated to write about our relationship for almost four years. Maybe because I knew and was very sure that you didn't care, or because I was scared to express myself and let you know how I really felt. 

I was once told that a breakup or a hardship speaks more about a person than the actual relationship. Not only did I get missed respected but I felt unnecessary uncomfortable. 

There was no need to show your friends that you had control into hooking up with girls. As a matter a fact no one needed to know the situation.  This was one of the last times I was planning to see you and fully spend time with you. If you truly cared about me I would've expected a "remember moment" or a "thank you moment". Something that would've trigger the great times we spent together and probably would've gotten us closer tonight, or would've made me feel like I couldn't shouldn't lose you. Not in a desperate-let's-come-back-way but in a "we had amazing times and great memories". 

Unfortunately you spent more time trying to prove that you can talk to stranger girls more than noticing how much I wanted and needed to say goodbye. 

 I used to think that this goodbye was not forever, and I was hoping that the goodbye turned into "hasta luego". Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I did this because I didn't think it was fair to have you attached to something that didn't make you happy. 50% of our relationship consisted of memories, 30% consisted of complains, and the last 20% of regrets. 

 I know there's no formula to handle this situation, I wish I knew myself. But that's why we're given choices and situations to learn from. It's the way we tackle the challenges that show our character. This was more than just a learning experience, this was the best 2-3 something years of my life.   

 I'm choosing to not conform and give you the opportunity to be happy, because I can't commit to that right now. You choose your ways; handle it how you need to. Just know that everything has consequences. 

To end this and from the bottom of my heart: be happy, that's all I ever cared about.

Labels: 2016, Breakup, heartbroken, letter to my ex-boyfriend

July 2010
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February 2016
January 2018